Fish Ratings Downgrades Gilt-head Bream to ‘AA-’; Negative Outlook

Grilled Orata at Eataly, New York City

Fish Ratings – London – 30 Sept 2020: Fish Ratings has downgraded Gilt-head Bream’s Long-Term Fish Default Ratings (FDRs) to ‘AA-’ from ‘AA’ following several cases of a little understood form of indigestion. The Outlook is Negative.

Gilt-head Bream enjoys a high ingestion-grade rating due to its reputation as the tastiest of the Breams. It is best served pan-fried. However, consumption of Gilt-head Bream prepared in this way has recently led to several extremely dangerous cases of a condition known as “friability-driven indigestion” or FDI. This is the main driver of today’s downgrade.

Very little is known about FDI, except that British pension fund managers are highly susceptible to it. A possible explanation for this is that friability-driven consumption of Gilt-head Bream makes up almost 100% of their diets in some cases.

Given the material economic consequences of hundreds of British pension fund managers suddenly keeling over with indigestion, medical experts have rushed to produce detailed descriptions of FDI and explain why it has suddenly become endemic. However, these explanations are all completely unintelligible, which is why we are maintaining a Negative Outlook.

Andrew Scaly, the UK’s chief medical officer for fish-related ailments, has pledged to administer unlimited amounts of antacids to the stricken pension fund managers, which appears to be doing the trick for now. If all of the pension fund managers make a full recovery, Fish Ratings may upgrade Gilt-head Bream back up to ‘AA’.

Photo: Grilled Orata at Eataly, New York City, by Tduk Alex Lozupone – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0,

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