Fish Ratings – Moscow – 02 Mar 2022: Fish Ratings has downgraded Ukha, a clear Russian soup made with bits of various kinds of fish, to ‘B’ from ‘BBB’. The ratings have been placed on Rating Watch Negative.
This action relates to the sudden realisation by our analysts that while Ukha may be a perfectly wholesome local delicacy, like French bouillabaisse, it somewhat loses its appeal when Uncle Vlad is attempting to force feed it to everyone around the family table.
While this was obvious to analysts as well as everyone else a week ago (if not before), the fish rating process is subject to restrictions and must take place according to a published schedule, unless the existing rating becomes ridiculous, which it just has.
The next scheduled review date for Fish Ratings’ fish soup rating of Ukha will be 13 November 2027, but Fish Ratings believes that Uncle Vlad’s increasingly agitated spooning of the broth in every direction warrants such a deviation from the calendar.
This action was decided on a quick Zoom call on March 1 and therefore does not reflect subsequent developments, such as the increasing saturation of the table cloth and the pieces of unidentifiable fish splattered over the walls.
Uncle Vlad’s threatening growl for “more soup” to be brought from the kitchen appears to diminish the prospect of him moderating his behaviour to the degree required to render the dish appetising.